Online Dating Safety For Over 60s In South Africa

Online dating later in life can be a good deal safer than the old fashioned sort. You get far more choice, and you get to keep your distance from somebody who interests you for as long as you like, right up until you are ready to meet.

If you have never used a service like this before, or you have heard a few stories that put you off, here is how to go about it sensibly and get on with enjoying it.

• Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is, and you are under no obligation to give anybody the benefit of the doubt. Wind the conversation down politely if you can. If that does not work, or you feel awkward about letting somebody down, just stop replying. You do not owe a stranger an explanation.
• Be honest in your profile. The whole thing runs on trust. You would not want somebody misleading you, and it works both ways. Fibbing online is easy enough, but it is very hard to look 60 across a table when you are actually 70.
• Think about what is in the background of your photos. Make sure nobody else is recognisable in them, family or friends, and check that your house, your street, your car or your number plate are not giving away where you live.
• Hold back personal details until you are certain who you are giving them to. Your ID number in particular is never anybody's business on a dating site. Even the ordinary things, your street, where you bank, when the house is empty, can wait a while.
• Your contact details stay protected. Sites like ours keep your email address and cellphone number hidden from other members, so if you stop replying to somebody inside your dating account, they have no other way of reaching you.
• Never discuss your finances, and never share bank or card details with another member. Nobody you meet through online dating has any reason to need them. The only time you will ever enter payment details is when you upgrade your own account, and that happens in your account settings, never in a chat window. If you are ever unsure, ring our support team on the number below before you do anything.
• Do not be taken in by anybody who asks you for money. This holds even for somebody you have been talking to for months and have come to like and trust, because that is precisely how a romance scam is built. Be especially firm about anything involving a loan, a policy or your pension, because that is what these people are actually aiming at. The answer is no, every time. If money has already gone, contact your bank immediately and open a case at your nearest police station.
• Do not let anybody push you into sharing more photos or more information than you want to. "No" is a complete sentence, and anybody worth meeting will take it well.
• Do not be talked into meeting before you are ready either. This is your dating life and you set the pace. If somebody keeps pressing, that tells you something useful about them, and you need not feel bad about ignoring them.
• If you are not sure somebody is who they say they are, ask for a recent photo. Bear in mind that a short video call is no longer proof on its own, because AI generated video and cloned voices are now part of the toolkit. What still works is meeting in daylight, in a public place, near where they say they live.
• Read your messages back before you send them. Written down, without your tone of voice attached, a bit of dry humour can land completely differently from how you meant it. Keep it warm and straightforward and you will save yourself a few crossed wires.
• Be wary of anybody declaring undying love early on, particularly if you have never laid eyes on each other. Real affection takes a while. Anybody in that much of a hurry usually wants something.

Meeting Your Date In Person: Safety Advice

So you are ready to meet the person you have got to know online. This is the exciting part, and it is also the part where a bit of ordinary planning goes a long way. None of what follows is unusual. It is the same sort of thinking most South Africans already do before going somewhere new.

Whether you have been doing this for years or you are heading out on a first date for the first time in decades, here are a few things worth doing.

• Do not let yourself be pushed into a date you are unsure about, and do not hand over personal details until you are comfortable.
• Keep your home address and your cellphone number to yourself until you are genuinely confident about the person.
• Steer well clear of anybody who wants to talk about sex or money before you have even met.
• For the first meeting, and the next few after it, pick somewhere public and busy where there are staff and other people around. A coffee shop in a shopping centre, a bowls club, the tea garden at a botanical garden, or the finish of a Saturday parkrun. Daytime is much easier than evening for a first one.
• Tell somebody you trust the details: who you are meeting, exactly where, what time, and roughly when you expect to be home. Send them the person's profile if you like. If the plan changes on the day, let them know. There is nothing embarrassing about this. Plenty of people half your age do exactly the same thing.
• Take your phone and make sure it is charged and has airtime or data on it. Keep whoever is expecting to hear from you in the loop. Some people arrange a code phrase beforehand so they can check in without it being obvious.
• Trust your instincts on the day too. If something does not sit right, make your excuses and go. You have every right to end a date whenever you like and you do not need a reason. If your date takes it badly, ask a staff member or somebody nearby for help. In an emergency ring 10111 for police, or 112 from a cellphone.
• Sort out your own lift there and back, and do not depend on your date for transport. Arrange your own e-hailing trip, or have somebody drop you and fetch you at an agreed time, so leaving early is simple rather than awkward.
• If you need a way out, the old trick still works. Slip off to the bathroom, ring a friend, and ask them to call you back in five minutes with something that needs your attention.
• Do not go back to anybody's house on a first meeting, and do not invite them to yours. There is no rush and anybody reasonable will understand entirely.
• Go easy on the drink. A glass to settle the nerves is fine, but you want your wits about you. Keep your drink with you, and if you have even the faintest suspicion that a drink or a plate of food has been interfered with, leave it and tell somebody nearby straight away.
• Remember your date is probably just as nervous as you are. Do not push, and do not talk anybody into anything they are not keen on.
• Try not to take it to heart if your date decides to call it a day early. Meeting a stranger is nerve wracking at any age. They agreed to come and meet you, which counts for something, so give them the same room you would want yourself.
• And then relax and enjoy it. Most first dates are perfectly pleasant, plenty are good fun, and the sensible precautions above are there so that you can stop thinking about them and concentrate on the company.

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